Photo above by StarrLight Images.
In 2014 I choreographed a number that will forever be "tied" to me and has become beloved by every performer who's got to dance it. It is a piece I'm extremely proud of as a choreographer and dancer; as well as a woman, a fan of The Afghan Whigs and a person who loves probably more than they ever should.
I was engaged young (no pregnancy thank you very much), just two KIDS who thought they knew who they were got engaged at 16 and 18. We spent a 5 year engagement while he attended Drexel University (go Dragons), and I attended undergrad at East Stroudsburg University. Other than a few very non-starter "relationships" because really what do you call them at age 16...he was my first. In every way. We married when I was 21 and then separated into my 25th year of life as I scrambled to figure out my identity after the loss of my mother. I loved Chris, but he wasn't my person I believe we were ment to grow one another up.
In 20001 I moved to Knoxville, for what would be my 2nd husband Jim. We were a far better fit than Chris and I. Not without our little dramas, both of us kind of healing the broken parts of ourselves from our first marriages. During this marriage I choreographed My Curse a song by my favorite band, The Afghan Whigs from their "Gentleman" album. Which, coincidentally was the first album of the Whigs that I owned because Chris bought it at Tower Records in Center City Philadelphia when we went down there to just score some new music. We both loved the first single and he thought that was going to be a great way to get to know the band better. An album we listened to the entire way through when we got back to his apartment. He looked at me after it ended and said, I think I'm going to return it...it's not what I thought it was going to be. And hurriedly, I looked up from my book and said, "Can I have it then?" which began my love affair musically for Greg Dulli and anything he was to do from that point forward.
This song was always my LEAST favorite on the album because it's sung by a guest performer, Marcy Mays of the band Scrawl. I felt it would have been far better if Greg had stayed on vocals; but I didn't know why that decision was made. It has become one of the group's most beloved songs, and the inspiration for a piece of choreography that reflects the absolute complications of loving someone and it still not being right.
First of all, let me acquaint you with the song.
Album version - sung by Marcy Mays of Scrawl
I hadn't read much about the song origins or otherwise when I choreographed this piece which still maintains its original steps and tone now for 11 years; but in working with Tyler our "polisher" he made me look inside to see where this piece organized in my soul. That was a lot to unpack. In writing this essay I stumbled upon the best description of this songs orgins and mythos amongst fans of The Afghan Whigs.
Greg Dulli, who is normally lead singer, opted to let Marcy Mays of local band Scrawl sing lead on this song. Some have said the song hit too close to home for Dulli. He has sung lead on this song in concert, so he must be over whatever negative feelings he once had.
The Afghan Whigs recorded "My Curse" for Gentleman, a concept album that follows a tumultuous relationship as it falls apart. "When I look back on Gentlemen, I see someone trying to figure out relationships, and I think that's why on side two I gave the big song ["My Curse"] to Marcy," Dulli told Uncut magazine. "There's no one like her and we've been friends since the late eighties. That was giving the subject a voice, which also allowed me to call in my own responsibility for the demise of the relationship. And I was able to look at the gray in between the two poles."
"My Curse" is a wracked female perspective ballad. Marcy Mays sings of being locked into a dysfunctional, emotionally abusive relationship where she feels she's the "slave."
The title refers to The Curse of Eve, the result of Eve's disobedience to God's commandment not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Genesis 3 tells us after Eve ate the fruit and gave some to Adam to eat, God cursed the serpent, Eve, and Adam because of their sin. God told Eve that because she had eaten from the tree, he would greatly increase her pain in childbirth. Her desire would be for her husband, but he would rule over her, which parallels the master/slave relationship between Mays and her lover.
While that description really doesn't describe me as ever being in a "slave" position - god bless every man who's been in a relationship will tell you that I'm no one's slave, everything else rings true. Not just for me, but for everyone who's had to figure out relationships when our parents provided a model that we both grew to love and hate for various reasons. My mother was very much held captive in the marriage to my father, with one planned attempt to leave when I was around 9 years old, that never came to frutition. I always felt she deserved someone who truly understood how incredible she was, and never spoke of her weight. That toxicity on the body front also got put on me as well...but that's at topic for another essay. It made me though, very resistant to compromise in my early marriage, better in my 2nd marriage, and really good in my 3rd pivitol relationship of 8 years with Erik (who passed suddenly in May 2023).
Most of us have experienced the toxic aspects of our attempts to connect with someone we absolutely love. If you've ever been through the pain of a relationship dying in front of your eyes you'll get it completely. In the end, I have had great relationships with my exes and am much better in their lives as a friend than anything else. The concept for me goes deeper though, and I'll explain.
This act is synonymous with the character OPHELIA from Hamlet, which was the motivation from a photo shoot I did around the time of this act's development.
Ophelia.
Photo by Knox Vegas Photography.
Model: Nipsy Tussle / Anna Maria Terlinden Rogers
For those unfamiliar with the character, allow me to provide a brief synopis. Ophelia's tragedy in Shakespeare's Hamlet stems from her vulnerability and lack of agency within a patriarchal society, leading to her descent into madness and ultimately, her death. She is caught between the demands of her father, Polonius, her brother, Laertes, and her lover, Hamlet, with each relationship contributing to her emotional and psychological decline. Ophelia primarily symbolizes innocence, fragility, and the destructive consequences of a patriarchal society on women. Her character embodies the idealized, yet ultimately limited, role expected of women in her time, leading to her tragic downfall. Additionally, her madness and death are often interpreted as a commentary on the stifling nature of societal expectations and the psychological toll they can take.
I chose to share this version with you today, in the hopes that you'll come out and see it in a performance live and raw and beautiful embodied by these women. I think the reason this piece is still with me and still powerful comes down to the realization that figuring out one's way within relation to others is one of the most important parts of our journey through life and the pain we experience within that can be the most valuable lessons you will ever learn. Love is worth it, I assure you.
In the end, I leave you with the demo version sung by the songwriter himself, Greg Dulli. I adore your soul Mr. Dulli and thank you for being a significant portion of the soundtrack to my life.
Demo version - sung by Greg Dulli
In peace, love, hope and dance - Anna / Nipsy